If I Have Sole Custody, Do I Have to Allow Visitation?

Whether temporary or in a judgment, court orders are directive, not suggestions. So, you need not do anything the court order does not require.

However, since temporary orders can change and family law courts often look at a parent's co-parenting during a divorce or parentage case, being inflexible may cause the court to change the temporary orders.

If a child is not in danger and the reason you have sole custody is that the other parent's ability to exercise visitation is limited for reasons unrelated to a child's health or safety, then consider agreeing to an additional reasonable time or provide flexibility.

A custody order in a judgment is more "final" than a temporary order. That is an oxymoron because no custody order is final. Custody orders are modifiable.

There is nothing wrong with sticking to the custody order in a judgment. However, once again, ask yourself if you are doing it for good reasons or are being inflexible.

That reasonable flexibility may avoid a post-judgment modification request by the other parent because the other parent will not see a need for getting the court involved (and costing both of you a lot of money in attorney's fees) if you are reasonable with the visitation occasionally.

Understand the intent here. If the other parent's requests are unreasonable, you need not agree to them. And if the other parent is an abuser or otherwise a danger to the child, it is best to stick to court orders. Parents like that enjoy conflict and ultimately may be using the request for more time as a way of harassing you.

Suppose the other parent is uninterested in being a parent and makes little to no effort to exercise visitation. In that case, you do not have to make them do it.

Parents correctly conclude both parents should be involved in a child's life, but that is really when both parents want to be. It can be heartbreaking for a child to grow up with only one parent because the other parent has abandoned their responsibilities.

Children can grow up with significant insecurities and wondering what they did to cause a parent to abandon them.

Our experience has been bringing this person into a child's life only to have them leave again, and repeating this process can be more traumatic.

Consult a therapist with experience with children and find a solution that works for your child. You are making the best of a challenging situation.

Sometimes, denying visitation is proper. Legitimate concerns about a child's health or safety are good reasons to say no to parenting time. But the key word there is legitimate.

Child abuse, serious neglect, substance abuse, threat of abduction, domestic violence, a living situation that places the child in harm, and situations like this are good reasons to limit or deny parenting time.

Suppose you do not want to allow visitation because:

1. You do not like the other parent,
2. You do not think they are as good a parent as you,
3. Their parenting style is different, or
4. You have other reasons that have nothing to do with actually protecting a child or children from harm, you are walking a dangerous line of being labeled a restrictive gatekeeper.

An important factor when a court looks at custody is which parent is more willing to frustrate the other parent's parenting time.

You do not want a court to believe you are the unreasonable parent who unjustifiably frustrates the other parent's time and reasonable requests consistent with a child's best interest.